The Umpire Is A Most Unhappy Man

The Umpire Is A Most Unhappy Man

V1 An umpire is a cross between a bullfrog and a goat, He has a mouth that’s flannel lined and brass tues in his throat; He needs a cool nad level head, that isn’t hard to hit, So when the fans beat up his frame They’ll have a nice place to sit; The only job that’s worse, is driver on a hearse V2 Napoleon and Washington were generals of old, Their lightest word moved regiments and armies we are told Where’er they led men followed them, bt only came for hire, Just think of all that gratis come, To follow the bold umpire; He leads them with such vim, because they’re chasing him Refrain How’d y ou like to be an umpire, Work like his is merely play, He don’t even have to ask for All the things that come his way When the crowd yells, “knock his block off,” “Soak him good,” says ev’ry fan Then who wants to be an umpire The brickbats whiz When he gets his, For the umpire is a most unhappy man Chorus 2 How’d you like to be a camel, He odn’t ever mind the heat, He has seen lovely stomachs They’re all full of things to eat But he travels without drinking Seven days to say the least So who wants to be a camel Without a drink? – (Crash) Well, I don’t think – (Crash) For the camel is a most unhappy beast Chorus 3 How’d you like to be a mermaid, Live below the glassy sea, Why if you could swim like she can, What a cinch this life would be But suppose she took a street car ‘Spose the cable broke in two, Then, who’d want to be a mermaid, Gee what a shock--- (Crash) She couldn’t walk – (Crash) Wonder what the dickens would a mermaid do

Will M. Hough, Frank B. Adams (words), Joseph E. Howard (music)