And They Say He Went to College

And They Say He Went to College

"Introduced by Eddie Foy in the musical comedy 'The Orchid'."
Voice 1
In a Restaurant the other night, the best one in New York
I saw a man who vainly tried to eat soup with a fork
My heart went out in pity
Ev’ry time his form would plunge
He didn’t know the right way to eat soup is with a sponge
V2
On a crowded car a woman once a market basket took
She gave a scream of pain and then she gave a man a look
“Hey you! You’re standing on her corn!”
A young girl intervenes
He’d one foot on her corn and one foot on her butter beans
V3
Sev’ral friends of mine once tender’d me a banquet up at Mink’s
And after that, we went and had Chop Suey at the Chink’s
A Captain in the army, the Salvation if I’m right
Said: “I just seen the programme,
And they done this out of sight”
V4
When it comes to Alienists, why I think that we lead the band.
One had the “pneumo gastric nerve”
To tell upon the stand
That he’d read “Argyle Robinson,” and then he “got a hook”
For what the expert didn’t know, would more than fill a book
Chorus
And they say he went to College,
Where he gained a lot of knowledge
1) He acted like a lobster with an amputated claw
When a bowl near him the waiter laid
Why he wash’d his hands in Lemonade
And they say, they say he went to college
Rah! Rah! Rah!
2) Apology, Stageology, Ted Marks and Bernard Shaw
He arranged her corns and beans and such
But her leg of mutton he’d not touch
And they say, they say he went to college
Rah! Rah! Rah!
3) Astrology, Baseballology, Mike Donlin and McGraw,
He could not eat peas to save his life
Why they roll’d right of the captains knife
And they say, they say he went to Bluepoint
Raw! Raw! Raw!
4) Hot Ironogy, Stickpinogy, Brain storm that takes in law
When he play’d his best trump “cardiac”
Then to Pittsburgh quick he beat it back
All: And they say, they say he went to college
Rah (rah, raw, rah)

E.P. Moran (words), Seymour Furth (music)